#LITTERALY haven’t told anyone about them all at once

[lifenconcepts]

do otherkin count..? If yes then! *sigh.. flicks through my notes*

fir tree branch plantkin, addiction conceptkin, conceptkin of existence as a whole, and ball of light 😸😵‍💫😵‍💫

i want to hear about ur guys’ uncommon or unique theriotypes,, i love hearing about the ones i dont see very often or ever

i think my most uncommon one is that i’m a lizard cladotherian :3

[peachy-lemon83]

I really hate when people assume that everyone only loves Stiles because he’s the white best-friend. Like yeah I’m not gonna lie some people honestly probably do like Stiles better than Scott because Stiles is white, but like.... to just say that about everyone who loves Stiles?????

Like for me personally I know it isn’t because of skin color or anything because I fell in love with Stiles from litteraly hearing some quotes from the show (it was a like complication of some of Stiles’ sarcastic quotes and stuff) and it was just the audio. I didn’t have the actual scenes from the shows (it was on Tik tok so people were like lip syncing to it and stuff).

I fell in love with him even more when watching the show because I can relate to him a lot.

Stiles is a sarcastic boy who literally doesn’t stop talking. I seriously just post a freaking long as hell rant and said in said rant that I tend to just ramble on (even if it just rambling thoughts in my head and not actually speaking). Like I come up with whole speeches in my head. I’m pretty sarcastic, I’m honestly not that witty but I wish so hard that I was because I love witty, sarcastic comments that litteraly come out all the time, even if really bad moments.

No one really listens to Stiles. Like in the beginning I kind of get it, I mean like the supernatural?!? Crazy! But like Stiles says Scott’s a werewolf, Scott doesn’t believe him until he literally tears up Stiles chair after like slamming Stiles against the wall.... so like yeah didn’t listen or believe in Stiles. And then again when Stiles swears Lydias not the Kaninma (and like okay even Stiles starts to question that, but mainly because everyone else was certain it was Lydia). No one believe Stiles when boi immediately was like “the killings are sacrifices”. I can’t currently think of anything from season 4 (don’t really remember it that much tbh), but I like Stiles actually said something about a kill list or people targeting Scott and everyone else (once again don’t remember and could totally be wrong on that). Season 5? Stiles litteraly called Theo out from the very very beginning. And no one believed him. And then right before Theo actually showed his true colors he accused Stiles of brutally murdering someone and Scott didn’t even check to see if they were actually talking about the same story???? I mean I understand Acott was probably hella confused and shocked but still???? Also Stiles never even said anything about how he knew Theo was evil the whole time. He never said I told you so. I can really relate to people not listening to me.

Scott tried to kill Stiles on his first full moon, then on his second told Stiles absolutely horrible things. Stiles never held it against Scott. Never once brought up that Scott said those things, and the only reason he brought Scott trying to kill him was to 1) convince him that I was dangerous not to chain him up for the full moon and 2) to remind him that Scott did that when Scott was upsetting and refusing to listen to Liam.

Stiles is litteraly like the only person for most the show who is entirely human and has had no training for fighting, nor does he have a gun or litteraly any weapon at all except a baseball bat (that I honestly don’t even remember him using that often). Like boy is litteraly the least prepared and incredibly vulnerable to everything. Like I can kind of relate to feeling like you’re the normal one while everyone else is like special.

Almost everyone under estimates how smart he actually his. Like boi litteraly searched about werewolves for Scott, and it looked like he did a lot of it. He’s normally the one who makes the plans, and he tends to be the one who puts the pieces together, and finds quite a few of said pieces. Honestly don’t really know if I can really relate to this one. Like I can relate but at the same time I feel like it’s the opposite.

Stiles is really loyal. Stiles isnt a werewolf, he isn’t a banshee, he isn’t anything related to the supernatural. Boi could have left a long time ago. He could’ve left when he had to litteraly die to save his dad after his dad (the only family he had) had been kidnapped and was gonna be a sacrifice. He stated after he’d been kidnapped twice. Hell he even stayed after Scott basically told him to go turn himself in for murder and to go away. He stayed when Scott kind of abandoned him for Allison. He always stayed.

I haven’t finished the show (I just finished Season 6 pt 1) so like maybe things happens that I don’t know about but there a definite thing I wish they would have done. Like I would have loved to see Stiles actually try be affected by what the Nogitsune (??? Idk how to spell it) did??? Like could Stiles see was the Nogitsune did when they were in separate bodies??? Can Stiles remember Allison dying and knowing that his body was the one that ordered the Oni to attack??? Another question does the fact that Stiles’ actual body, his original body died do anything to him???? Like is he effected by having like a fake? Copy body or something???? Also Stiles be traumatized by those few minutes were no one remembered him, and him being stuck in that stupid train station????? Like I would have loved to see how things things actually affected them and them working to overcome them instead of it seeming like it never even happened.

Honestly I don’t really like Scott’s character. I personally have nothing against the actor I haven’t looked into him or anything so I have no opinions on him. But like Scott?? I personally don’t like him. He raises a couple (read: quite a few) red flags in my brain throughout watching the show. Like I can see how people may like him, or like not see a lot of the red flags (honestly I saw them but didn’t like really acknowledge them until I actually thought about it) and it’s like kind of small thing for me personally

Scott abandoning Stiles for Allison... quite a bit.

Like him kind of ignoring Stiles to hang out with Allison, Lydia, and Jackson.

Scott hanging up on Stiles when Stiles was holding Derek in the pool in season 2

Scott and Allison letting Jackson escape (and put a straining order on Stiles and Scott, but honestly it effected Stiles more as the Sheriffs son) because they were to caught up in each other

Scott skipping with Allison, not telling Stiles, soon (if not right) after Peter attacked two of their peers (Lydia and Jackson), and then turning off his phone so that when Stiles had really important information on it, Stiles couldn’t reach him.

I’m not saying that Scott’s an absolute terrible character, doesn’t deserve to be on the show, or anything. I’m just saying I don’t think they really wrote his character the best??? Like I think he was unintentionally given quite a few red flags and the writters didn’t notice, but a lot of the fans did.

Like I loved Scott’s “save aleveryone” attitude. Did I always agree with it??? Not really tbh but I appreciated it. I love Scott’s and Stiles’ relationship in how I think they were trying to portray it (because honestly they kind of messed it all up multiple times, but I feel like I get what they were trying for and I loved that)

(Also I just have to point this out because it’s been bothering me. Some one anti-Scott said that Scott has people kill for him, and a Scott lover said pointed out that Stiles says that they should kill Jackson but never offered to do it himself. And I just like wanted to point how How was Stiles supposed to kill Jackson???? Stiles the human... without any weapons or training.... kill Jackson... the kanima.... with paralyzing vemon.... and who lived through a whole barrel of bullets???? Not saying anyone was wrong or right in that arguement because I don’t want to get hate or start a fight... but that one small detail was bothering me)

[alltheangstmygifttoyou]

I just spent like the last hour writing a very long post explaining my personal issues with my religion and how it affects learn to be and tumblr deleted all of it! But since I actually want to talk about this in an online space where there are people with many experiences and haven't heard me talk about it before ill try and give a short version.

Tw: religion talk, suicide mentions, homophobia, transphobia, just anything queerphobic, pet death mention, self harm mention

I grew up catholic with two not catholic parents and one catholic grandma. My mom went to church with me and my grandma and my family is very open and accepting of me and my identity. I was sent to Sunday school cause you have to if you want to get confirmed and being confirmed is a big thing for catholics. And at Sunday school they shoved a lot of bullshit down my throat about how it was wrong to be gay. How I either had to have sex or become a nun (im ace and do not want to be a nun thank you). Transphobic shit (I feared for my safety if I came out). Bullshit like that but there was more. They told me how to vote and if I didn't vote that way I wouldn't be considered catholic. They told me to tell my gay friends they were going to hell in order to "help" them. They told me when I was depressed and suicidal that one, it was a sin to have those thoughts and that I needed to repent and do penance for it. They also told me that unless I became a Saint I would be physically tortured in purgatory for years until I properly repented all my sins. And then once I was in heaven the only thing in heaven was to bask in the glory of God. That's it. No talking to friends and family, no petting your dog (they litteraly told one girl the day after her dog died that her dog wasn't going to heaven), no talking to saints! Just basking in god for eternity. The end. Or you go to hell where you'll be horribly tortured forever. They also kept doing this thing where you were supposed to offer your pain up to God, so any time you were in physical pain you would give it to God? They'd also tell us stories where Jesus would tell people to remove parts of their limbs if it caused them to sin. I'm not actually sure what thats supposed to mean and the Jesus part was probably supposed to be metaphorical but my depressed brain took it as the go ahead to start self harming. Which isn't the churchs complete fault but its another bad association I have with the church, which is what this post is about.

So basically I have all this bad gunk in my head associated with catholicism. But I've also spent the last 19 years identifying with and participating with only catholicism. So my mental and spiritual health are all twisted up and confused with religion. So I've taken the different parts of my feelings about religion and put them in Heather, jesse, and Jester.

Heather is the bad shit church did to me and put in my head. She believes all the garbage.

Jester rejects the church, all of it and believes that when you die you just die. There's nothing left. Just a body to decompose.

Jesse starts off a strong believer but then figures out in the eyes of his religion hes considered wrong, has a crisis that continues to the end of the story.

Now that's the only religious stuff I have planned so far because (i really don't want to type out the long explanation again but long story short catholicism highly discouraged me from learning about other religions and im not ready to completely let go of it yet or maybe ever I dont know) of spiritual reasons and just the way I write. I can look at other religions academically but if I try to write a charecter believing in a religion in the way I view in academically it feels stiff and wrong and not how I want to represent something. And im not sure how to write someone really believing in something I dont believe in for reasons that aren't artifical, like, I grew up this way so I am this way. Because if I write it that way then the charecter will probably end up in the same position I am and I dont want every charecter feeling that way just because I am. I hope that makes sense. I plan on all five of the main charecters having some sort of belief system and I plan on having noah and malcolms beliefs based on real world religions (not elena because her parents beliefs are a tangled messed up knot and no real religion should be associated with that). But I cant write it into the story now. And I hope that by the end of the story jesse will not be in crisis but since I still am and have found no resolution I dont know how to give him peace. I would be thankful for any advice anyone has or any questions about how the one religion I have planned will work in learn to be :3

[scribble-skull-rat]

literally all of the make the admit questions you are comfortable answering

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

Yeah

2. You talked to an ex today, correct?

I talk to them on a daily basis

3. Have you taken someones virginity?

Sort of

4. Is trust a big issue for you?

Yeah

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?

I haven't hung out with anyone, social distancing my duce

6. What are you excited for?

Seeing my boyfriend

7. What happened tonight?

I watched revolting rhymes with my mom

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?

Eh idc

9. Is confidence cute?

Yes

10. What is the last beverage you had?

Water

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?

2, 3 if you count you

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?

I did

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?

Stay in and cry because i havent gotten over losing my cats and grandpa

14. What are you going to spend money on next?

Nothing, im broke

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?

Not anymore

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?

Probably not but ill try

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

Ehh no one

18. The last time you felt broken?

Litteraly 10 minutes ago

19. Have you had sex today?

I wish

20. Are you starting to realize anything?

Yeah, im a piece of shit

21. Are you in a good mood?

Im never in a good mood to be fair

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?

Yeah

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?

His are black and mine are blue so, no

24. What do you want right this second?

Idk

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?

Platonicly? Nothing idgaf. Romantically? Id cry

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?

Yeah

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

Yeah

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?

A stupid thing in a discord chat

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?

.....yeah..

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?

Depends

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?

Nah, hes really nice. I think I've told you about him, his names noah

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?

Yeah it'd be a bit hard for us to be dating if he didn't

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?

I rarely do

34. Listening to?

A mix of lofi and depressed music along with the song my boyfriend sent me

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?

Usually i do

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?

Yeah, Oregon

37. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Sort of?

38. Who did you last call?

Noah

39. Who was the last person you danced with?

I dont dance unless you count tiktok dances

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?

Peer pressure

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?

Idk

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?

I hugged my mom so yeah

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

Yeah

44. Do you tan in the nude?

I dont tan

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?

Yeah, it was awkward and we both hated it

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?

Nah

47. Who was the last person to call you?

Noah

48. Do you sing in the shower?

Sometimes

49. Do you dance in the car?

Not really since we dont have a car

50. Ever used a bow and arrow?

Yeah, my sister used to teach me

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?

Ive never had my portrait taken

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?

Eh idc

53. Is Christmas stressful?

Sometimes

54. Ever eat a pierogi?

A w h a t

55. Favorite type of fruit pie?

Apple

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

Marine biologist, still do

57. Do you believe in ghosts?

Yeah

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?

Sometimes

59. Take a vitamin daily?

Nah

60. Wear slippers?

Nope

61. Wear a bath robe?

Dont have one

62. What do you wear to bed?

A t-shirt and pj pants, or shorts

63. First concert?

Never been to one

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?

Wal-mart

65. Nike or Adidas?

Im poor so neither

66. Cheetos Or Fritos?

Both

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?

None

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?

Uhh calm down i guess

69. Ever take dance lessons?

Nah

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

I dont really care what job my spouse has

71. Can you curl your tongue?

Yeah

72. Ever won a spelling bee?

Ive never done a spelling bee

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?

I dont think so

74. What is your favorite book?

Reckless

75. Do you study better with or without music?

Idk

76. Regularly burn incense?

Nope

77. Ever been in love?

Yeah

78. Who would you like to see in concert?

Cavetown

79. What was the last concert you saw?

I've never been to a concert

80. Hot tea or cold tea?

Warm tea

81. Tea or coffee?

Red tea

82. Favorite type of cookie?

Oreo

83. Can you swim well?

Eh yeah

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?

Yeah? Do people do that?

85. Are you patient?

Sometimes

86. DJ or band, at a wedding?

DJ

87. Ever won a contest?

Once and i fucked up by not responding in time

88. Ever have plastic surgery?

No

89. Which are better black or green olives?

Idc

90. Opinions on sex before marriage?

Have fun and use protection

91. Best room for a fireplace?

Living room

92. Do you want to get married

Ehh sort of

[noirrrefic-blog]

I need help

You see the title… It’s pretty pathetic of me to do this, to see I’ve become this desperate to push away what little friends I had and being too scared to talk to anyone.

So I suppose I’m an anxious person. I’m a girl, 17 years old. I used to be so full of myself, a show off even. Fearless. And to see how I am being so scared and think so little of myself…

Here’s my story of how it all srarted. I doubt anyone would see this since I litteraly have no friends whatsoever here on tumblr, not that I even TRIED to make any.

It all started when we moved out of our house to the capital, in a small apartment. My dad never tells us his plans until tge last minute and we have no voice to speak for his decisions. I know he means well to take us there, not that it’d hurt to warn us but we eventually got used to it. Fights and yelling started to increase noticeably compared to usual, from little things such as we’re dirty, lazy, don’t clean up enough. Don’t study enough. So not like our cousins. And it doesn’t help that my brother, my only sibling, was starting to steal more and more oftenly, from us, his family. He became such a great liar and litteraly a useless guy who just eats and shits, on top of being a theif and a liar, he wasn’t even making any effort into his studies. Which all makes more and more pressure on me from my parents “ to not be like him ”. 5 years since we’re here in the capital, every year changing house, I never got to make any good friends and we’re gone. Again and again. At this point, I’m becoming fat, not too much, I just eat out of stress and my dad just keeps commenting on how fat I am, how ugly my face is becoming (assuming it’s from my food although the doctor says it’s hormonal) and basically belittles me on everything. Whatever I do is never enough, be it cleaning, my appearance, cooking, studies or anything. And like whatever bad thing has to be my fault. Even studies, when I clearly do my best in front of him and don’t reach to super grades, he found the new excuse that it’s because of my lack of faith in god. He now uses it for many other things. Years of being repeated the same degrading words and blames I’m accepting them all that they’re true, compared to my model smart perfect cousins? I’m just a pile of shit. I became way too sensitive, cry over every little thing, gaining more weight, my school grades decreasing just the same as my self esteem. I tried several times to make him understand that what he says to me is hurting me, his reply? Something that has to do with god and shit that goes like “ A real friend is the one who offers you your defaults. ” I know. But what about being a parent and giving your child occasional compliments? I get nothing of those. I don’t speak about my mother and brother because I know they’re affected too even though I now hate my brother. I don’t blame them.

Now every night I imagine finally exploding and different scenarios of how it’d go. Mainly of me screaming and breaking things. And then the most unexpected thing is that it happened, like 2 months ago now. And how I regret it and wish I’d just kept it to myself. I did break once my dad kept asking me questions like why are you always so sad you disgust me that you don’t appreciate my efforts and “ Am I a monster?”

I was so pathetic, I just cried loudly. I didn’t know how to answer his questions. And from all scenarios I imagined, I never expected him to react to me like I was possessed or something. Saying those religious words… He just kept pointing out that I was so far gone that I’m even shaking which only made me sob more. I told him, about all how worthless I feel and just wanted encouragement. His reply was mostly just “ You’re just so ungrateful for everything I do to you. Other people don’t live like you. You should be graetful.Now tell me what’s gotten you like this? We’re trying to talk and look at you! You won’t talk, not even look at us– ” No matter what I said he kept repeating that I have to talk. Basically meaning that I wasn’t making any sense so I shouted and got up… the first time I pulled such a stunt, really. I thought to just go back to my room, cry till sleep like usual but then my mom pushed me to the shower and put cold water on me, just as angry as my dad. She too told me “ Calm down. What are you so ungrateful for? Your dad is trying to help and you just ignore him! Do you even realize how lucky you are and you’re just rude! What do you even need? You don’t get enough encouragement with all things we buy you? ” But it’s not about money…. no. I just wanted to feel loved. Instead, she really slapped me. Hard. 4 times. To calm down? I don’t know. But i did stop crying, the slaps didn’t even hurt much. Not like my heart did at that moment. It was like I really never expected that, from all things. I didn’t get hit ever since I was a kid. And I get slapped for breaking down after years of bottling up my feelings? I just stopped caring then. My dad joined and they both kept lecturing me about not reading Quoran and praying and so. So I just agreed with them hoping for it to be over. That it’s still all my fault… well, I suppose it maybe is. Me being so sensitive and all. I know those are my defaults, I’m not like my cousins, I try, never appreciated, but I really tried. But years of hearing the same words just gets me. I just let them speak until they said I should change because I was shaking too much from the cold of the water. I doubt it. I didn’t feel cold. But whatever.

And then….? Hah, right after tomorrow he said he booked tickets for London. For 10 days. The flight was that very night, yet another plan he made without telling us until last minute. Oh, and then I was so right about what I expected was to come, completely ignoring what happened last night, except for the occasional teasing about things I said when crying (which makes me want to burry myself) pointing how I should be happy because others don’t go on such holidays. (Wow. ) And more like getting dragged around the city like dogs behind my dad more than anything else. I kepts getting hurtful comments when I try to help, pretend I was fine. I realize it’s just making me more and more distant from them. Because they clearly will never understand me. But what hurts me most is that I even HAVE to smile. Because trip. Haha. Both my parents keep telling me to at least smile and stop being so selfish. Idk why, but he kept telling me selfish, not just for the lack of smile. Because yes, even when I’m sad I usually ALWAYS am smiling in attempt to brighten the mood. I always get told that I smile a lot from people. And to hear “ You’re not even capable of smiling…” It made me realize that I indeed I’m no longer smiling like “ usual”.

I’m a mess. Really. My only friend and best friend is from another country I met on Facebook. I told her my problens and her only response is that she understands, because she too have similar problems. And now I haven’t been talking to her since the trip when she said I was lucky. I know it’s cheap of me, but I can’t talk to ANYONE. Really. Can’t even go to a psychologist to help me. No one to understand me or tell me " it's gonna be okay" and hug me. I doubt myself so much. I'm scared of holding a phone in front of my family. Scared of being seen drawing. Scared of being seen doing "nothing". So I just close myself in my room, even with so much I have to do and responsabilites, I'm doing nothing.

And thinking of the future… hurts too. Is what I always do. My dreams would never cone true. Not in this country at least. My dad put on my passport that even as an adult I can’t get out of country unless with him. My dream job is to become a comic artist. There are none in my country and I don’t get to join art school. But even work doesn’t matter much to my family since it seems their only goal is for me to get married by forcing me to learn to clean and cook and respect to be ’ a good wife’. The idea completely disgusts me and what scares me that I don’t even have a say in this when the day comes. So I’ll study whatever, at least to keep marriage out of the way…. for now. And funny is that a girl can’t even live on her own in this country. Makes me hate this country, this stupid family. And this stupid religion that was forced on me. I hate it. I hate it all. I wish I had the courage to say it to them.

How I miss little innocent, confident and optimistic me. Full of dreams that seemed so close only to be crushed by reality.

Hah… well, that was long. I’m sure I have more to say even. It’s 4 am and I just wrote whatever came to me. Wish I could write a fanfic this long in so short time, heh….. I’m not sure what people would say even if they went through the trouble to read it. But whoever does, thank you. I appreciate it.

And I still at least got something iff of my chest.